A mama's heart

One of the riskiest things I ever did in my life, I did purposefully and repeatedly, 5 times in fact. That was to choose to have a child. I think it can be said that to choose to be a mother is to choose to wear your heart forever more outside your chest, open, soft, unprotected, and vulnerable.

Don't get me wrong. I'd choose it again and again. But it seems that as moms, we women have offered to bear the most intense heartaches imaginable. Not only our own bumps and bruises from life, but now also the magnified injustices and aches of our precious children. From the moment I cringed in horror as the doctor cut through Aaron's umbilical cord, I have felt each and every real and imagined hurt that my children experienced. I wanted to hold tight and never let go of each of my babies. I would have gladly taken on their owies and boo-boos and earaches and tummy aches and colds and sore throats and scrapes and scraps with their friends. And as they grew I prayed they'd be spared all emotional hurts. But that's not how life goes. And I've of course had to allow each of them to forge their own paths and feel their own pain.

When I was younger, I thought that once the kids were grown, my job would be done and I could tuck my heart back inside. Not so. I still ache deeply when one of them is hurting or struggling in some way. I still get on my knees every night and pray for God's hedge of protection around them. The up-side of my never ending vulnerability is that this swollen and exposed heart is also able to feel abundant and amazing love and pride.

Aaron was notified today that he has been chosen to handle a very important new client at SDCR. His unfailing attention to detail in pleasing the Cosi stores has been recognized and appreciated.

Charles, who at the tender age of 13 taught himself calculus, has again triumphed in "doing it myself". After months of self imposed discipline and training, he finished a full marathon Sunday in Napa showing remarkable perseverance in spite of severe knee pain.

Nicholas didn't do anything particularly noteworthy this week that I'm aware of. He continues to show me what a wonderful Papa he is to my precious grandchildren by working hard to support his family (and country) and by his selfless love for his wife.

Stephanie who has been supporting herself through college announced to me yesterday that she will graduate magna cum laude with a 3.9 grade point average. That's mighty laudable, too.

Cara got back up on her feet after the latest struggle with seizures and she's out in the world again doing what I was once told she'd never be able to do.

So there it is. My heart still vulnerably beating outside my chest, but grown, oh so big, through the privilege of being a mom.